i think nowadays people underestimate how much negative media affects us as
people. like yeah sure everyone knows negative=bad, but nobody talks about the
long term effects as much. i know for me i feel like i have weights on my chest
everytime i consume any negative media. all my pessimism is ruining my life and
rotting my brain, i joke about this shit all the time but im falling deeper into this
complex rabbit hole and feeling myself pull away from things i find genuine joy in all
so i can run away from my thoughts and that isnt right. i want to focus on exploring
myself and truly finding peace within myself instead of this useless facade i have kept
up for who knows how long. i cant push it away any longer, its something i have to
come to terms with and accept, and then move on and heal from. im losing myself,
but honestly i dont even know who “myself” is ? i dont know what i am or what i
truly stand for, i just exist. i am aware i dont need labels but i dont want to be just
floating in space either . i have to find a healthy balance, i truly dont feel like i know
who i am. i find myself doing actions i know i wont agree with and have stated that
i do not agree with them, and it makes me wonder: am i just a product of influence?
i have consumed so much media that without any of it at all, i dont know if id be
anything actually. i probably don't even need to be anything, i just need something
to fill this emptiness. maybe ill find it one day :p